Can't Go Back Home
by Stranger 1993
Summary: David is tired of the awkward family moments. But when he comes home to an unexpected visitor one week after his suicide attempt, he thinks that maybe silence is the lesser of 2 evils. Part of my fic "By Your Side," but can be read as a standalone.


**This is part of my Kurtofsky story "By Your Side". It can be read as a simple one-shot if you so wish, but I recommend the actual story! It takes place in between chapters 10 through 12 from David's perspective. I felt like I kind of left the readers dangling for an event that they didn't see… kind of like Quinn's car accident. So here's making up for it! Leave reviews please!**

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Needless to say, David's home life had changed dramatically after his suicide attempt. It was quiet around the house for different reasons. His father was never really much of a talker even before the incident and his mother… his mother barely even spoke to him anymore. Sure, Paul had made some attempt to ask him about school or… his feelings or whatever, but the conversations never lasted very long. It had been a little over a week since he tried to take his own life, though it seemed like it might as well have been just yesterday.

It was a Friday afternoon and Dave was driving home from the Lima Bean with more on his mind than he cared for. Sometimes, David just wished he didn't have to go home to the awkward looks… the sickening silence… the uncomfortable family dinners. Maybe if he hadn't tried to kill himself, things would've still been the same. Maybe if he hadn't made advances towards Kurt… then things would still be the same. He wouldn't have to worry about anyone finding out he was gay, most of all his parents. Paul had been as understanding as he could've been while his mother, Nancy Karofsky, treated him like a stranger.

Dave's thoughts of this long week came to a stop when he spotted an unfamiliar car in his driveway. It was a 2008 silver Sedan, but there was no one inside. No one had told _him_ that they were expecting company.

After parking his truck in the garage, David made his way inside the Karofsky house and called out for his parents, but no one answered. It was then that he strolled over to the kitchen and saw his father standing bent over, both hands on the countertop. His mother Nancy was sitting at the dinner table, her elbows on top of it, and her locked fingers to her chin.

As he stepped into the kitchen, he saw that they were not alone. There was a man sitting at the table with his mom; a man that he hadn't seen before. He had balding gray hair, glasses, and wore navy blue, pinstripe slacks, a pale blue dress shirt, and a gold tie. All three pairs of eyes were immediately on David as he entered.

"David…" his mother whispered. Her voice was so… earnest and… almost pleading. He hadn't heard this much concern in her voice in a while, which would've made him feel relieved if he wasn't so freaked out.

"What… what's going on? Did somebody die or something?" David's heart sank as Nancy exchanged solemn looks with the old man in the suit.

"David, we… we need to talk…" Nancy whispered. Dave shifted his position in the doorway, skeptical of sitting down at the table. But when Nancy beckoned him to come over, he had no choice but to join them.

"Why? Who's this guy?" he said as he sat down in the chair next to his mother and across from the older gentleman slowly.

"My name is Dr. Novak. I'm just someone who wants to help, David," the stranger said. The way that he had said Dave's name really didn't sit right with him. The man had said it far too familiarly for David's comfort; like he knew him or something. He knew what was going on. He glanced over at both of his parents, pleading in his eyes.

"Mom, dad, I told you I'm _fine_. You didn't have to call this guy. Look, sir, I'm sorry, but you've wasted a trip. I was just upset and… lost control for a little bit, but I'm over it. Lots of teens get upset, it's no big deal. I don't have a problem and I don't need therapy."

"David, this isn't about you just being upset. People don't try to _hang_ themselves just because they were having a bad day. You tried to take your own life because of your… situation." There it was again; that pitying, condescending tone.

"Lots of people have been where you are. Suicide isn't the answer. You need to know that there is another solution," he placed his hand on top of David's, "you can be helped. There's lots of support for people like you. You don't have to be trapped by your… situation. There is a way out." It had clicked. Was this really happening right now?

"If by _situation_," David said, moving his hand away from Novak's, "you mean the fact that I'm gay, I'm not trapped by anything. There's nothing wrong with me." David glanced over at both of his parents and saw how Nancy winced at the word "gay". Paul stood in that same position that he had been in since Dave walked into the room. He remained silent.

"I've known people like you. As long as we're being honest, I've _been_ someone like you. But through therapy and rehabilitation, I allowed myself to choose my own future. And look at me now; I've got a wife… a kid, and another one on the way. I'm _happier_ than I was. It took years of reorientation treatment, but it was _worth_ it, David." David stood up immediately from his seat and paced across the room before turning his face back toward the smiling seated man.

"This is fucking nuts. You're ridiculous. Okay… I get it. This is some kind of a scam, right? You're a quack!"

"You require extensive behavioral reform," Dr. Novak said firmly. There was a brief moment of silence. The smile faded, but was replaced by a look of deep compassion and concern.

"I'm only trying to help you, David."

"I don't need it. And I don't want it. I have spent years… _years_… hating myself because of what I am. It's taken me a while to accept it, but I am not turning back into that other guy again. Right now, I'm _happier_ than _I_ was, doctor."

"You tried to kill yourself because of this… phase you're going through. Don't say these things, David," Nancy interjected. David turned his gaze towards her and saw that her eyes were filled with worry and shame.

"I didn't try to kill myself because I was gay!"

Nancy winced again.

"Then why else would you try to kill yourself?" David tried to keep his cool, but there was nothing more he could do. How in the world was he possibly supposed to explain to these people what he was going through? He figured that there was no way to truly make them understand, but while he was on the verge of ranting, he figured he might as well go for it.

"Because of people like you who think you have the right to dictate how other people should live their lives! Did I ask to be this way? No. But I have accepted the fact that there's nothing I can do about it. This is my lot in life. I may not have been able to choose my sexuality, but I do choose to be happy about my life. I deserve that just as much as any other person… now, I'm proud of who I am… because this was who I was meant to be…"

Dave chuckled to himself when he thought of Kurt and the other Glee Clubbers performing that Gaga song with the white T-shirts. Looking back on it now, he wished that he would've embraced what they were trying to do instead of spitting all over it. Let's face it; even though Dave was gay, he never really cared for Lady Gaga. But the memory of seeing the Glee club perform that number… he finally understood what it was really about. He imagined what Kurt would think of him referring to Gaga in the back of his mind. Part of him always knew, even if he was too afraid to admit it out loud. But now, he could gladly say it with confidence. He held his head high and looked the doctor straight in the eyes.

"I was born this way…"

"Dammit, David, _stop that_!" his mother bellowed. She looked him in the eyes as she whispered, "I thought I raised you better than this…"

"David…" the doctor said softly, his gaze sympathetic and uncomfortable, "you're condition isn't who you're supposed to be. This is something that is _keeping_ you from who you're supposed to be. But that's why I'm here… I am here so that I can help you on your journey. Don't you want to be normal?"

"Alright, I've heard enough," Paul said for the first time. His low voice overpowered the other three and all eyes were suddenly on him.

"Dr. Novak… I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Paul, what are you doing?" Nancy whispered as Novak stood.

"As you wish… you did the right thing, Nancy. Keep in touch," he slowly made his way towards the door and placed his hand on Dave's shoulder. The ex-jock immediately shrugged it off and the doctor exited the room. The three Karofsky's stood in silence.

"Paul, why did you do that?"

"This isn't right Nancy…" It may have been just a trick of the light, but David could have sworn that he saw Paul's eyes brimming with tears.

"What are you talking about?" she said firmly, more as a statement than a question.

"Nancy, this is who he is. Our _son_… he's still the same person he always has been; nothing's changed. God doesn't make mistakes… I love my son." Paul looked over at David with a warm smile and David couldn't help but return it, though for some reason, he could feel tears beginning to build in his eyes.

"I love you, too, David… but Paul is right about one thing; God doesn't make mistakes. So to say that he _made_ you gay would be an insult. The Bible is very clear about that sexual deviancy. This is not a valid lifestyle choice and I will _not_ condone it… why are you trying to hurt me, David?"

"Mom…"

"No, David Karofsky. This is wrong… I thought I raised you right, but now… I don't even know you anymore…" her voice cracked and the last words that came out of her mouth were ones that David didn't expect.

"I want you out of this house…"

"Nancy…"

"No, Paul… until he can get his act together and straighten himself out… I don't want him here."

David could definitely feel the tears coming now. How could his own mother even say such a thing? _Straighten himself out_… like he was some kind of drug addict or something… or as if she meant it in the literal connotation to where he could actually become heterosexual. This had to be some kind of nightmare. Dave hoped that he would just wake up and it would just be an ordinary day when he would barely talk to his parents about anything in general. David looked up at Paul who wore the exact same expression of hurt and shock on his face.

"Mom, you can't be…"

"I am…"

"Nancy, I'm not okay with this."

"Him or me, Paul… I tried with David. We both tried… He's chosen his life. If he's still… the way he is… and he's living here, then I won't be."

Paul's shock at his wife's request and lack of response gave Nancy Karofsky the window she needed to turn her attention back to her son.

"Get out..." she stared at him, a cold, hard expression on her face. When David simply stared back at her, she proceeded to pick up an empty vase off of the countertop.

"Now!" she exclaimed as she thrust the vase at David, who quickly dodged and hurried out the door. David saw a glimpse of Paul attempting to hold her back, but he didn't stick around long enough to see if he had made any impact. David was already out of the house and halfway down the street when he heard his father shouting out his name…

But David couldn't force himself to go back to the house. He just ran. He didn't even really know where he was going, but he just had to get out of this area. He stopped at the end of the street by a stop sign at a four way intersection to catch his breath.

He couldn't believe that this had just happened. Even though he was alone, he tried to keep the tears from falling, but he inevitably fell to his knees and sobbed. And just like that, all the self-loathing and agony that he felt before slowly seeped its way back into his head. He couldn't shake the thoughts that all of this was his fault. Just when he had finally accepted who he was after several pain-filled years of denying it…

He knew that he couldn't go back home. But where was he going to stay tonight? Santana was not an option; there was no way he could make it all the way to her house on foot. As much as he wanted to go against this idea, the only other viable option was Kurt. His house was only a couple miles away. God, how would that look? David crawling to Kurt on his hands and knees begging… the idea of Hummel seeing him like that made his heart ache even more. He couldn't do that to Kurt; it wouldn't be right and it wouldn't be fair to him. It was the last thing that David's pride would let him do, but he didn't really have any other choice. It wasn't like he had any other good friends left that could understand his situation and offer him a place to stay or a shoulder to cry on. Not that he would do that, of course, because… crying is for losers. Crying is for sissies… and right now, he is the biggest sissy loser that he knows. All he did was let his own parents see his true and honest self… so why wasn't that enough?

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**Ugh… I feel horrible! I hate putting my boy through these things… I hope you guys enjoyed the read though. If you're looking for a better, happier ending, I recommend "By Your Side". I'll try to update that soon! Let me know what you think of this one.**


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